NEW STORY: DON’T KILL THE CAMEL

Pre-order the newest story from author Jonathan Sturak! If you missed this witty, camel-riding short story as part of Noir Nation No. 5 (2014), now is your chance to download it as a standalone ebook–available exclusively on the Amazon Kindle!

Click on the cover now!

Don't Kill the Camel cover webPre-order this Hilarious, Funny, Dark, Light, Laugh-Out-Loud, Laugh-Inside, Laugh-Outside, Laugh-In-The-Car, Don’t-Read-And-Drive, Enough-Adjectives, Just-Read-It, Okay-I’m-Done, Really-I’m-Done Short Story today!

The camel arrives in your home on April 1, 2016! No fooling!

Synopsis:
Four spec-ops soldiers infiltrate a mysterious terrorist compound to retrieve a package as a nosy camel attempts to blow their cover.

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EXCERPT FROM GEEK VS VEGAS

GeekvsVegasKindle_smExcerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

From Geek vs Vegas:

“This is a sweet suite. What is it you do exactly?”

She turns to me, a different Natasha from the bar. She has a priority in her eyes. She must really want it. I take a seat on the bed. It’s firm, perfect for lovemaking.

“Place looks clean. Do you have it?” she says.

What is she talking about? Wait. I know what it is. I keep one in my wallet for a rainy day, or a hot night in Vegas. At least I think I have one.

“Let me check,” I say.

I open my wallet to a couple of twenties, insurance cards for my car and my health, my CVS ExtraCare card, and my work I.D. Where is it?! I always keep one in here. I sure as hell didn’t use it. “Shit. I don’t have one, do you?”

“What are you talking about?” she says.

“Condoms.”

“Condoms?” she whips back.

This is going the wrong way. I need to back this up, to bring us back to the bashful banter at the bar. The flame is bouncing off her silky legs. I reach over to pet them, but she jumps back and pulls a pistol on me. What the fuck?! Oh my God. I have a pistol pointed at me!

“Whoa! Okay. I’ll go get some,” I say.

“Forget the damn condoms! Who are you?”

“I’m Benjamin Pollock from Los Angeles.”

“You’re not the Handler?”

“Yeah, I thought…” I begin saying. Isn’t this part of her game? I thought we were playing Bond and Bond girl. Is that gun real?! “…the Handler? No, I’m an Information Systems Policy Analyst.”

“I don’t believe you. Who sent you?”

“Sent me? I came with Javier.”

“Javier from the cartel?” she says, furrowing her brow.

“No, Javier from Penn State,” I clarify.

She tightens her grip on the gun. Its barrel pierces my soul. I could be dead any second now. All she needs to do is flex her pointer finger, and then I’m finished. I don’t want to die! I’m just a computer geek playing a game. I reach into my pocket to grab my wallet, but she waves the gun at me.

“Whoa! Whoa!” I say with my wallet in hand. “No, see, look. This is my work badge. I just thought the innuendo was part of your sexual foreplay.”

She snatches my work I.D. “Nice picture.”

“So, I don’t want to know anything. I don’t know you. I never saw you before. This all never happened.”

She throws the I.D. at me. I put it back into its holster.

A gun pointed at you feels like you’re trapped underwater with your breath running out. It’s weird; once it’s planted on you, you lose focus on the person behind it. It’s just you and the gun.

“Why don’t you go look for a girl at the corner of walk and don’t walk,” she says, putting the gun down on the nightstand.

“Huh?” I reply.

“Get the hell out of here!” she yells.

Don’t miss the exciting new comedy novel about a smart, almost-gainfully-employed, outgoing-only-in-the-mirror guy geek named Benjamin who finds himself on a one-night adventure through the shadows of Las Vegas. From swingers clubs, to hookers, to Russian spies, Benjamin’s goal of getting laid turns into a goal of staying alive through the night!

Part dark comedy, part coming-of-age tale, Benjamin represents the voice of Generation Y, lost in their twenties with too many pathways to take in life. Where will Benjamin be in ten years? Married? Kids? Single? Dead? He must make it out of Vegas alive to even have a chance to reach his thirties!

Available now on the Amazon Kindle and Barnes & Noble Nook!